Recently I finished the book Mother Teresa: In the Shadow of Our Lady. In the last year or so I have been very drawn to Mother Teresa and her life. I learned that she actually experienced a very dry time with the Lord. She did not feel His presence. She felt her prayers were not heard nor were they answered. I have felt this way very often ever since leaving the Newman Center that I used to attend in college. Having the opportunity to meet God on a daily basis through Mass and Adoration were a daily routine for me. Now as a high school teacher I am at work before any local church even unlocks its doors for daily Mass. Only during Lent do I know of evening daily Mass being held in the local parish. I, too feel I have lost the opportunity to be with the Lord. I don't feel that the Lord hears me or I hear Him. I feel dry. Yet I am inspired by Mother Teresa. No matter how dry she felt she never gave up. Knowing this has really brought me courage. This book specifically discusses her relationship with Our Lady. I am so inspired by Mother Teresa's trust. I am inspired she believed when she felt nothing.
In the midst of her pain she was able to find God in her faith, not simply believing God existed, but having total reliance on God without insisting on seeing or understanding.
This quote from the texts makes me feel that there is hope. There is a way for me to feel God again, someday. I simply have to believe. Unlike St. Thomas who doubted the Lord's rising from the dead, I must have faith in the true presence of our Lord in my life daily.
One way to get closer to the Lord is through Mary, our Blessed Mother. This is something Mother Teresa felt very strong about. She was said to always hold a rosary in her hand. She said this was her way of feeling Mary holding her hand throughout her daily business. One way to give my life to Mary to hand it over to the Lord is through consecration.
John Paul II wrote that consecration to Our Lady produces "a new life of intense communion and familiarity with the Blessed Virgin as a 'new way' of living for God."
Mary always leads us to Christ. She always leads us to her son. At the wedding of Cana she says "Do whatever he tells you." This is not just to the servants at the wedding but to all of us. So this is what Mother Teresa does. Whatever God tells her. She created a new order, she served the poor and lowly and there she found God.
Taking away from this book lead me now to a new book called 33 Days to Morning Glory. This book will allow me a month of retreat that will end in a full consecration to Our Lady. On the feast of Our Lady of Fatima I will consecrate myself fully to Mary. Now I have been consecrated before but just like Confirmation I don't think I got it, now I think I do.
So please pray for me and I will pray for you in my next 33 days. I will keep posting through this daily retreat and to share what is going on within my heart.